Sometimes a text doesn’t come from a plan, but from a moment.

This one was written after an evening of writing, the 64th blog night with Anna Koschinski, during which many people wrote at the same time, each on their own yet connected. No goal, no right or wrong. Just words that were allowed to emerge. And one question that remained.

A question that many are familiar with.

When the question “What should I do?” becomes louder and louder

“What should I actually do?”

“What am I here for?”

“What really suits me?”

These questions often arise quietly, sometimes at night, sometimes in the middle of everyday life. They carry longing, but also restlessness. Because they imply: The way things are now is not enough. Something is still missing. A direction. A decision. A goal.

Many people live with this inner search for years. They hope that clarity will come at some point. That something will reveal itself. That a moment will come when it suddenly feels right. Basically, it’s about finding THE thing that will finally make you happy.

Why the future seems so tempting

The future is a friendly place. Anything is possible there. There are no mistakes, no limitations, no fatigue. In the future, we are braver, freer, more determined. There, we live the life we can only imagine now. But we can also dream about our future life.

The future carries our hopes and often our excessive demands. Because what we cannot hold on to in the present, we store there. Later, I will know who I am. Later, I will do what suits me. Later, I will arrive. Later, I will be happy.

The inner shift: Not now, but sometime

Something is shifting imperceptibly.

Not dramatically, not consciously. I now assume that there is an important moment in time.

Just a quiet step away from the present.

Life becomes a preparation room.

Today becomes a transition.

The real thing is always a little further ahead. At the end of life, in a few years, months, weeks, days.

This shift takes strength. Because while we wait, life goes on. Decisions are made, days pass, relationships develop, and we ourselves remain inwardly distant from the happiness we hope for in the future.

What we believe we must first become

Behind the search there is often a silent image:

A version of ourselves that is “further along.” Clearer. More coherent. More ready. Happier.

Only when I have become this person will I be allowed to…

Then I can…

Then my real life will begin.

This image is understandable and frustrating at the same time. Because it places a condition between us and life:

First become, then be.

The present as an uncomfortable place

The present is not a draft.

It is raw, unfinished, sometimes contradictory.

There is no guarantee that anything will feel right. No preview of what is to come. Only what is there right now, with all its uncertainties.

Perhaps that is why the present is so often avoided. The crucial question then is: What defines the present? What does it consist of? Perhaps it does not require planning, but presence? Not improvement, but honesty. Now.

A moment without a plan

Sometimes there are moments when the search pauses briefly.

A breath.

A quiet moment.

A sentence that refuses to be written.

In these moments, something falls away: the need to do, to move forward, to explain oneself. What remains is nothing spectacular, but something real, the stark reality.

When the question of becoming arises

At this point, at the latest, a sentence that many carry within themselves emerges. Sometimes spoken, sometimes only thought. A sentence that contains both hope and procrastination.

“I want to become that someday…”

This sentence sounds harmless. And yet it shifts life into the future.

It says: Not yet. I’m on my way. It’s not enough yet.

The question is not wrong. But it leads away—away from the now, away from experience, away from what is already there.

What this sentence reveals about our longing

Often, it’s not about becoming something else.

It’s about feeling more secure. More authentic. More connected.

The longing is not for a new self, but for permission. For the feeling of being allowed to be there without first having to achieve or accomplish something.

Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you?

Maybe what you’re looking for isn’t hidden in the future.

Maybe it’s closer than you think.

Not as an answer, not as a concept—but as an experience in the now. The moment you stop pushing yourself away.

What emerges when you stay in the now

When the question of becoming becomes quieter, space emerges.

Not a big space. But a real one.

And perhaps something unexpected will reveal itself:

That you are not on the path to becoming someone, but are in the process of rediscovering yourself.

Here. Now.

Beyond these words, there is an experience – one that is definitely different from the present moment you are experiencing when you have been accustomed to postponing everything until the future. If I describe it, you won’t believe it.

Want to try it out? Come to the retreat and see if what I promise here is true.

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Hi, I’m Shivani

Blogger and podcaster at Madhukar Enlighten Life. I’ve known Madhukar since 2004 and do what I can to ensure that his effective message of happiness reaches as many people as possible. This post came from my pen – and ChatGpt helped me a little.